I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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