The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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