so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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