Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize