On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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