i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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