i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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