It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize