i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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