Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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