The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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