I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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