A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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