You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize