Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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