he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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