i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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