He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize