I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How external is "for external use only"?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize