Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
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Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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