i think i scared a bird with my dick
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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