my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
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i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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