can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize