I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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