Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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