my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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