I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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