Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize