I want to make a zoo with you.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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