dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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