Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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