Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize