I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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