Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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