I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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