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don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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