I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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