he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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