you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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