I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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