Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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