sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
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I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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