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Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
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