I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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