you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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