he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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