You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize