I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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