You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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