Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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